I promise to myself that I will do the things that I need to do...
to achieve the things that I want.
Insyallah.
Motivation. Motivation. Keep on the fire woman!
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Knock knock
We had a great Easter weekend!
But of course, we didnt go camping. But we managed to find other things to do and go for the long weekend :D
Will blog and upload pictures later!
But of course, we didnt go camping. But we managed to find other things to do and go for the long weekend :D
Will blog and upload pictures later!
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Things change, and Ive changed. Literally?
I was a six, and then eight. Now Im a TEN, with a possibility of a *yikes* TWELVE.
Should I be scared now?
Should I be scared now?
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Of hope and faith
I have a story.
Some may know, some may not. Ive been waiting to write about this for a while. And so...
30 January 2010
This day, I found out that Im pregnant.
It was the second test I did that month, the first was a week before, but it was negative. I was a bit frustrated because I didnt get my menses since December, so I was pretty sure I might be pregnant since I never miss my menses.
Finally, on Saturday I did another test on hubby's request. I was so nervous to see the result, I asked hubby to wait in the living room, and not follow me into the bedroom. So I waited a while, nervous and nearly in tears. I dont know why but I had my hopes quite high that day because Ive noticed some changes with my body. And then I looked.
Alhamdulillah. When I saw the two lines, I was just speechless. I starred at it for a while, forgetting that hubby was waiting outside nervously (I hope). I smiled, just for a second, and then tears started flowing. It was a very, very happy cry. I was planning to come out with a big smile, and jumping up and down (Ive always imagine what Id do when this time comes), but all I could do was cry and cry, walking out from the bedroom to the living room. Hubby immediately stood up and looked at me, surprised and nervous because I was crying. Actually sobbing was the exact word. He asked, "Kenapa? Ok ke tak?", and I just showed him the pregnancy test stick without any word, just crying and sobbing. I knew he didnt know how to read it, it took him a while, and suddenly he just grabbed me and hugged me so tightly without saying anything. And I started crying out loud again. It was a very happy day for the both of us.
1 February 2010
It was our first appointment with the doctor. Just to have a confirmation from him. We've been anxious since last Saturday because all the clinics were closed, and so we had to wait. I showed the doctor the test stick, and the doctor smiled. He said, if its positive, its positive. But I did another urine test just to be sure, and also a blood test. After the appointment, we started talking about baby stuff already. Excited parents-to-be we were.
13 February 2010
Our first antenatal ultrasound appointment. We had to wait for another week after the first dr's appointment because the urine test showed my hcG level is still low, meaning im still early in my pregnancy, about 3-4 weeks. So the doctor asked us to wait for another week for the ultrasound. We went on Saturday because hubby had to work. All radiology are closed at 5pm every weekday. Boring jugak benda-benda macam ni. Kalau kat Malaysia, malam pun bukak lagi. I was practically skipping all the way because I was excited. When I finally was in the room, the nurse put some cold gel on my full-bladder belly, (rasa nk terkucil je bila dia tekan-tekan). And then I saw it. Subhanallah. I was speechless and in awe when I saw the gestational sac. It was still small, just at 5 weeks. When I saw the sac, I feel so blessed, because finally I get to experience it. It is in me, growing.
A week after the scan, we went to see my doctor again to get full results from the scan, and also from the blood test. The doctor was happy to see me, and gave me positive results. My blood test showed me Im a healthy person, alhamdulillah, and the sac is in the right position. So everything is normal.
And then we scheduled for another ultrasound, at 8 weeks to see the fetus, and heartbeat.
4 March 2010
It was Thursday, we couldnt get an appointment on Saturday like we wanted. Initially hubby asked me to go alone, because he couldnt get out from work. But after some pujuk-memujuk session, and a "Tanak tgk baby ke?" line, he agreed. So I picked him up from his office around 12pm and went to the radiology.
We had to wait for a while, and then it was our turn. The nurse was pretty quiet while doing the scanning, and then we saw the sac. It was a little bit peculiar because the sac was empty. I've already studied week by week of the fetal development, and it did not look like it was supposed to. There was no fetus in the sac, and I was pretty sure the was no heartbeat as well. I wasnt very sure if the nurse turned on the volume of the ultrasound, but it was very quiet. I was so nervous, and I kept looking at hubby with a worried look. The nurse asked me if I had any bleeding or any pain at all before this. I told her I had none. I asked her if there was something wrong, but she just smiled and said, "Dont worry. We know nothing for sure yet." And at that time I knew something was wrong. She asked us if it is okay to do a transvaginal ultrasound to have a clearer image. We agreed and signed a paper. But somehow there was no doctor around so they can't proceed, and asked us to go to another branch.
We rushed to Willeton, about 20mins drive and had to wait for another half hour for the doctor. I was already crying the whole time because I knew it was bad news. And then it was it. The transvaginal ultrasound wasnt as scary as it sounds, but the images that we saw was the same as before. Empty sac, no fetus whatsoever and of course, no heartbeat. The doctor explained for a while, and what I heard was "it was a failure. An early pregnancy failure", "you will hemorrhage soon" and "Im very sorry". It happened so quickly and so unexpectedly. I was shocked. I managed a smile to the doctor and the nurse (which was kind, and said she was sorry too), cleaned up, paid the bill and got into the car. I just stared out the window the whole journey home, crying in silent. Hubby didnt know what else to say, and just hold my hands.
Everything happened so fast, I actually wondered if I was in a dream. I slept a lot for a few days after that, waking up, trying to remember, and thinking if it was real. Or maybe I just had a bad dream. And when reality hits me, Id cry myself to sleep again.
Some may know, some may not. Ive been waiting to write about this for a while. And so...
30 January 2010
This day, I found out that Im pregnant.
It was the second test I did that month, the first was a week before, but it was negative. I was a bit frustrated because I didnt get my menses since December, so I was pretty sure I might be pregnant since I never miss my menses.
Finally, on Saturday I did another test on hubby's request. I was so nervous to see the result, I asked hubby to wait in the living room, and not follow me into the bedroom. So I waited a while, nervous and nearly in tears. I dont know why but I had my hopes quite high that day because Ive noticed some changes with my body. And then I looked.
Alhamdulillah. When I saw the two lines, I was just speechless. I starred at it for a while, forgetting that hubby was waiting outside nervously (I hope). I smiled, just for a second, and then tears started flowing. It was a very, very happy cry. I was planning to come out with a big smile, and jumping up and down (Ive always imagine what Id do when this time comes), but all I could do was cry and cry, walking out from the bedroom to the living room. Hubby immediately stood up and looked at me, surprised and nervous because I was crying. Actually sobbing was the exact word. He asked, "Kenapa? Ok ke tak?", and I just showed him the pregnancy test stick without any word, just crying and sobbing. I knew he didnt know how to read it, it took him a while, and suddenly he just grabbed me and hugged me so tightly without saying anything. And I started crying out loud again. It was a very happy day for the both of us.
1 February 2010
It was our first appointment with the doctor. Just to have a confirmation from him. We've been anxious since last Saturday because all the clinics were closed, and so we had to wait. I showed the doctor the test stick, and the doctor smiled. He said, if its positive, its positive. But I did another urine test just to be sure, and also a blood test. After the appointment, we started talking about baby stuff already. Excited parents-to-be we were.
13 February 2010
Our first antenatal ultrasound appointment. We had to wait for another week after the first dr's appointment because the urine test showed my hcG level is still low, meaning im still early in my pregnancy, about 3-4 weeks. So the doctor asked us to wait for another week for the ultrasound. We went on Saturday because hubby had to work. All radiology are closed at 5pm every weekday. Boring jugak benda-benda macam ni. Kalau kat Malaysia, malam pun bukak lagi. I was practically skipping all the way because I was excited. When I finally was in the room, the nurse put some cold gel on my full-bladder belly, (rasa nk terkucil je bila dia tekan-tekan). And then I saw it. Subhanallah. I was speechless and in awe when I saw the gestational sac. It was still small, just at 5 weeks. When I saw the sac, I feel so blessed, because finally I get to experience it. It is in me, growing.
A week after the scan, we went to see my doctor again to get full results from the scan, and also from the blood test. The doctor was happy to see me, and gave me positive results. My blood test showed me Im a healthy person, alhamdulillah, and the sac is in the right position. So everything is normal.
And then we scheduled for another ultrasound, at 8 weeks to see the fetus, and heartbeat.
4 March 2010
It was Thursday, we couldnt get an appointment on Saturday like we wanted. Initially hubby asked me to go alone, because he couldnt get out from work. But after some pujuk-memujuk session, and a "Tanak tgk baby ke?" line, he agreed. So I picked him up from his office around 12pm and went to the radiology.
We had to wait for a while, and then it was our turn. The nurse was pretty quiet while doing the scanning, and then we saw the sac. It was a little bit peculiar because the sac was empty. I've already studied week by week of the fetal development, and it did not look like it was supposed to. There was no fetus in the sac, and I was pretty sure the was no heartbeat as well. I wasnt very sure if the nurse turned on the volume of the ultrasound, but it was very quiet. I was so nervous, and I kept looking at hubby with a worried look. The nurse asked me if I had any bleeding or any pain at all before this. I told her I had none. I asked her if there was something wrong, but she just smiled and said, "Dont worry. We know nothing for sure yet." And at that time I knew something was wrong. She asked us if it is okay to do a transvaginal ultrasound to have a clearer image. We agreed and signed a paper. But somehow there was no doctor around so they can't proceed, and asked us to go to another branch.
We rushed to Willeton, about 20mins drive and had to wait for another half hour for the doctor. I was already crying the whole time because I knew it was bad news. And then it was it. The transvaginal ultrasound wasnt as scary as it sounds, but the images that we saw was the same as before. Empty sac, no fetus whatsoever and of course, no heartbeat. The doctor explained for a while, and what I heard was "it was a failure. An early pregnancy failure", "you will hemorrhage soon" and "Im very sorry". It happened so quickly and so unexpectedly. I was shocked. I managed a smile to the doctor and the nurse (which was kind, and said she was sorry too), cleaned up, paid the bill and got into the car. I just stared out the window the whole journey home, crying in silent. Hubby didnt know what else to say, and just hold my hands.
Everything happened so fast, I actually wondered if I was in a dream. I slept a lot for a few days after that, waking up, trying to remember, and thinking if it was real. Or maybe I just had a bad dream. And when reality hits me, Id cry myself to sleep again.
It's called blighted ovum, or in a much simpler words, early pregnancy failure. Nothing much to explain there. Apparently it is quite normal, and we nor I did nothing wrong throughout the pregnancy that would have caused it. It just happened. Things do happen. All for the right reasons. Allah have better plans for us, everyone told us over and over again. And I believe them. Id be lying if I say Im perfectly okay now. I still do cry at times when I remembered. Whenever I see myself in the mirror, and touching my belly, I have this feeling of emptiness. Something WAS there. A possible of a new life. But it didnt happen, not quite yet.
So here I am, accepting all the things that has happened, keeping faith in me, Insyallah my time will definately come. May my prayers be answered some day.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Start nak rajin berblog balik?
I bought this today.
Since it's unisex, thought of sharing it with hubby. Gedik kan. Niat dihati beli utk hubby, tapi nak curik2 jugak skali skala hehe
I read the review, ada yg cakap best, ada yang cakap tak best. To me, its very refreshing. Suka jugak lah. Beli pun sbb tgk murahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Saya suka bila tgk murah2 ni. Rasa nak beli sepuluh je!
Tapi hubby lagi kelakar, tgk baldi kecik comel murah $1, terus amik dua. Tercengang kejap tanya nak buat apa banyak2. Kat rumah dah ada. Dia kata geram tgk murah. Boleh tak??? Haha Nasib baik dia tak beli sepuluh.
Oh ye, next week is a long holiday. Ramai jugak kawan-kawan msian yang nak balik. Easter nak datang dah. Merata-rata jual Easter egg chocolates. Geram tgk sebab cute-cute. Saya ni semua nak geram :p
Because of the holiday, berapa kali hubby tanya, long weekend next week nak pegi mana? Duit tak banyak nak pegi holiday jauh-jauh. So tiba-tiba macam mana tah ada idea nak pegi camping. Harap-harap jadi lah! Pinggan and cawan especially utk camping dah dibeli! haha Gedik sungguh kitorang ni. Lepas beli, rasa mcm tah pape pulak.
I slept petang tadi, sebab pening gila kepala. So now nak dekat 1am still depan laptop. But now, sebab stare depan laptop lama sangat (hubby tgh syok main game bola dia, then tgk bola pulak), pening datang balik. So I better go to sleep now!
So I hope all of you are enjoying your weekend! Good night!
Friday, March 19, 2010
My body is rejecting and getting rid of anything that is not necessary anymore. Whatever that was in there was so precious, now is slowly coming out. It is painful, emotionally and physically.
Ya Allah ya Tuhanku, ku tahu segala ujian yang Kau berikan adalah berdasarkan kemampuanku, apa yang terdaya oleh ku. Sesungguhnya aku redha dengan ketentuanMu.
Ya Allah ya Tuhanku, ku tahu segala ujian yang Kau berikan adalah berdasarkan kemampuanku, apa yang terdaya oleh ku. Sesungguhnya aku redha dengan ketentuanMu.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Hello there
Ya Allah! So lama tak updateeeeeeeeee!
Hari-hari tekan "New Post" then akan stare at the screen for 5-10 minutes, then click sign out. Haih. I know I know. Actually I have lots of things to write about, happy stuff, sad stuff, daily stuff etc but I dont know why. I think my brain went dead for a while.
I cant sleep last night. I was tempted to turn on the laptop and begin writing again, but it was kindda cold last night, and it was much warmer and nicer under the blanket hehe. So I chose to bergolek berjam-jam sampai tertido.
Ohhhh Ive changed my number! Finally. I was a bit berat hati utk menukarnya sebab I dont like changes. Its a hassle bila dah tukar number ni, haruslah memberitahu rakan-rakan taulan, baik di Malaysia atau di Perth ni. But to be honest, ramainya tak bagitahu lagi! I think my friends kat sini pun mesti tak tahu nak contact mcm mana heheh. Bila nak call or sms sape2 baru lah terhegeh2 cakap "Ive changed my number tau. Sarah". I didnt even tell my mom my new number sampai lah haritu nk tanya something so I texted, then bagitau, "Oh Umi, ni nombor baru Kaklong." Teruk kan?
I still have my old number dekat Malaysia. Sangatlah reluctant to cancel the number, so I gave it to my little brother to use it. So whenever Im home, haruslah paksa dia bagi simcard tu and he'll be phoneless. Padan muka. Hubby jugak kena tukar number baru everytime dia balik haha
So anyway, sape-sape nak my number (ececehh macamlah ada orang nak), sila lah check di FB. Dah update kat situ sbb malas subhanallah nak pegi sms semua bgtau new number. Im paying my own phone bills now! YIKES! Dah laa super mahal dari last plan haha semua sebab nak phone baru. tamak tamak.
I am sooo sorry sebab lama tak update. Rasa nak update hari-hari balik lah macam dulu. Tapi rasanya akan poyo sedikit. Takpe, akan usaha.
Alasan pertama sebab lama tak update, in January until February I was working. Part-time jadi waitress heheheheh kerja 3-4 hours a day, 4 days a week. So tak tersempat nak berblog. Padahal banyak je time main game dekat FB!
Alasan kedua, ada banyak cerita nak dibagitau tapi nak hold dulu konon-kononnya. So hold lah dulu eventho temptation utk menulis cerita-cerita sangatlah kuat. Tapi still taknak cerita lagi. So bila time sudah tiba nak bercerita, cerita lain pula datang. Maka harus dihold lagi sebab utk memastikan cerita kedua. Hish, memang macam-macam cerita betul lah.
But no worries, Insyallah I'll be writing and updating my boring daily life soon.
Starting today hehe.
Oh yeah, Ayah is coming tomorrow! Panic gila sebab cakap nak dtg this Sunday or Monday. Skali Friday! Panic sbb kena masak hahahahahaha! Ayah if you are reading this, sorry lah if Kaklong kurang masak, or masakan Kaklong kurenggg. Memang tak pakar lagi lah. Nervous nak pikir nak masak apa hari-hari bila Ayah datang nanti. Even hubby pun tanya, "Ayah datang ni nak masak apa???". Selalu kalau malas and takde idea nak masak, I masak nasi goreng saje hihihi tapi divariasikan harini nasi goreng cina, esok nasi goreng kampung, lusa nasi goreng ape tah pulak ;p
(But I tak buat lah begitu hari-hari. Selang-selang dgn lauk jugak hihihi)
So yeah. I hope I can go jalan-jalan with Ayah this weekend. Alhamdulillah sangat happy bila tahu that he's coming here, eventho for work. At least he has the weekend to spend with us :D
Hari-hari tekan "New Post" then akan stare at the screen for 5-10 minutes, then click sign out. Haih. I know I know. Actually I have lots of things to write about, happy stuff, sad stuff, daily stuff etc but I dont know why. I think my brain went dead for a while.
I cant sleep last night. I was tempted to turn on the laptop and begin writing again, but it was kindda cold last night, and it was much warmer and nicer under the blanket hehe. So I chose to bergolek berjam-jam sampai tertido.
Ohhhh Ive changed my number! Finally. I was a bit berat hati utk menukarnya sebab I dont like changes. Its a hassle bila dah tukar number ni, haruslah memberitahu rakan-rakan taulan, baik di Malaysia atau di Perth ni. But to be honest, ramainya tak bagitahu lagi! I think my friends kat sini pun mesti tak tahu nak contact mcm mana heheh. Bila nak call or sms sape2 baru lah terhegeh2 cakap "Ive changed my number tau. Sarah". I didnt even tell my mom my new number sampai lah haritu nk tanya something so I texted, then bagitau, "Oh Umi, ni nombor baru Kaklong." Teruk kan?
I still have my old number dekat Malaysia. Sangatlah reluctant to cancel the number, so I gave it to my little brother to use it. So whenever Im home, haruslah paksa dia bagi simcard tu and he'll be phoneless. Padan muka. Hubby jugak kena tukar number baru everytime dia balik haha
So anyway, sape-sape nak my number (ececehh macamlah ada orang nak), sila lah check di FB. Dah update kat situ sbb malas subhanallah nak pegi sms semua bgtau new number. Im paying my own phone bills now! YIKES! Dah laa super mahal dari last plan haha semua sebab nak phone baru. tamak tamak.
I am sooo sorry sebab lama tak update. Rasa nak update hari-hari balik lah macam dulu. Tapi rasanya akan poyo sedikit. Takpe, akan usaha.
Alasan pertama sebab lama tak update, in January until February I was working. Part-time jadi waitress heheheheh kerja 3-4 hours a day, 4 days a week. So tak tersempat nak berblog. Padahal banyak je time main game dekat FB!
Alasan kedua, ada banyak cerita nak dibagitau tapi nak hold dulu konon-kononnya. So hold lah dulu eventho temptation utk menulis cerita-cerita sangatlah kuat. Tapi still taknak cerita lagi. So bila time sudah tiba nak bercerita, cerita lain pula datang. Maka harus dihold lagi sebab utk memastikan cerita kedua. Hish, memang macam-macam cerita betul lah.
But no worries, Insyallah I'll be writing and updating my boring daily life soon.
Starting today hehe.
Oh yeah, Ayah is coming tomorrow! Panic gila sebab cakap nak dtg this Sunday or Monday. Skali Friday! Panic sbb kena masak hahahahahaha! Ayah if you are reading this, sorry lah if Kaklong kurang masak, or masakan Kaklong kurenggg. Memang tak pakar lagi lah. Nervous nak pikir nak masak apa hari-hari bila Ayah datang nanti. Even hubby pun tanya, "Ayah datang ni nak masak apa???". Selalu kalau malas and takde idea nak masak, I masak nasi goreng saje hihihi tapi divariasikan harini nasi goreng cina, esok nasi goreng kampung, lusa nasi goreng ape tah pulak ;p
(But I tak buat lah begitu hari-hari. Selang-selang dgn lauk jugak hihihi)
So yeah. I hope I can go jalan-jalan with Ayah this weekend. Alhamdulillah sangat happy bila tahu that he's coming here, eventho for work. At least he has the weekend to spend with us :D
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