Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Easter Long Weekend

Like Ive mentioned before, we were actually planning to go camping.
Yet somehow over here, its not possible to do that at the very last minute. Most of the camping spots that I called were fully booked, and they told me it was fully booked weeks before! And you can't just camp anywhere you want. *sigh*

So we were back to square one. Didnt know what to do and where to go. Since hubby was planning to go fishing, on Friday we decided to go fishing near Swan River after lunch, which was nice. We went to a small park near East Perth and caught just one, a blowfish! LOL!
It was a nice day, we had our picnic blanket and some snacks, and I had my book.

Saturday came and hubby decided to take me to Yanchep National Park. There's a lake there, so we thought we could fish there. Bila sampai mcm frustrated sbb tak boleh. Dah laa nk naik boat around the lake pun takde. We walked around the park, saw some koalas sleeping in the trees, and took some pictures. We had a picnic near the lake, then we went straight to the Crystal cave.

It was our first time in a cave, so everything was very new and interesting to us. It was kind of humid in there, so my skin started to get oily, maka gambar2 yg diambil sungguh laa buruk heheh. After Yanchep, we went to a beach nearby, Two Rocks, utk apa lagi, fishing lah! Hubby is kindda addicted now, hari-hari ingat fishing je. I got bored while he fishes, so I started to feed the fish dkt tepi batu-batu with bread. Hubby mcm marah sikit sbb ckp kacau org nak mancing ehehehehe. We stayed there until petang, and balik dgn tangan kosong. Bohooo.

The next day I decided to go to Fremantle to see the Street Arts Festival, which was held every year. We went last year tu pun kebetulan pegi Fremantle tiba-tiba tgk ramai org. So we went again this year to watch the buskers performs, and it was a great fun! I really-really enjoyed the festival, seeing different cultures and performances.

This mime guy is a regular in Perth city, and I used to watch him during the weekends in the city.

This guy is funny! Unfortunately we only got to watch the last 15 minutes of his show.

They are awesome! They're Tribal village dance band, and they have some really cool tribal songs and dance moves. We really enjoyed their show.

Anddd there's this one funny makcik dancing in the middle of the show, wearing a yellow tshirt that said "Support Penang", so Im guessing she's Malaysian! You can see her pictures in my FB ;)

So yeah, basically that's what we did during the hols. Monday we just stayed at home, kepenatan sbb hari-hari jln. :D

Tuesday, April 13, 2010


I promise to myself that I will do the things that I need to do...

to achieve the things that I want.


Motivation. Motivation. Keep on the fire woman!

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Knock knock

We had a great Easter weekend!
But of course, we didnt go camping. But we managed to find other things to do and go for the long weekend :D

Will blog and upload pictures later!

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Things change, and Ive changed. Literally?

I was a six, and then eight. Now Im a TEN, with a possibility of a *yikes* TWELVE.

Should I be scared now?

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Of hope and faith

I have a story.

Some may know, some may not. Ive been waiting to write about this for a while. And so...

30 January 2010

This day, I found out that Im pregnant.

It was the second test I did that month, the first was a week before, but it was negative. I was a bit frustrated because I didnt get my menses since December, so I was pretty sure I might be pregnant since I never miss my menses.

Finally, on Saturday I did another test on hubby's request. I was so nervous to see the result, I asked hubby to wait in the living room, and not follow me into the bedroom. So I waited a while, nervous and nearly in tears. I dont know why but I had my hopes quite high that day because Ive noticed some changes with my body. And then I looked.

Alhamdulillah. When I saw the two lines, I was just speechless. I starred at it for a while, forgetting that hubby was waiting outside nervously (I hope). I smiled, just for a second, and then tears started flowing. It was a very, very happy cry. I was planning to come out with a big smile, and jumping up and down (Ive always imagine what Id do when this time comes), but all I could do was cry and cry, walking out from the bedroom to the living room. Hubby immediately stood up and looked at me, surprised and nervous because I was crying. Actually sobbing was the exact word. He asked, "Kenapa? Ok ke tak?", and I just showed him the pregnancy test stick without any word, just crying and sobbing. I knew he didnt know how to read it, it took him a while, and suddenly he just grabbed me and hugged me so tightly without saying anything. And I started crying out loud again. It was a very happy day for the both of us.

1 February 2010

It was our first appointment with the doctor. Just to have a confirmation from him. We've been anxious since last Saturday because all the clinics were closed, and so we had to wait. I showed the doctor the test stick, and the doctor smiled. He said, if its positive, its positive. But I did another urine test just to be sure, and also a blood test. After the appointment, we started talking about baby stuff already. Excited parents-to-be we were.

13 February 2010

Our first antenatal ultrasound appointment. We had to wait for another week after the first dr's appointment because the urine test showed my hcG level is still low, meaning im still early in my pregnancy, about 3-4 weeks. So the doctor asked us to wait for another week for the ultrasound. We went on Saturday because hubby had to work. All radiology are closed at 5pm every weekday. Boring jugak benda-benda macam ni. Kalau kat Malaysia, malam pun bukak lagi. I was practically skipping all the way because I was excited. When I finally was in the room, the nurse put some cold gel on my full-bladder belly, (rasa nk terkucil je bila dia tekan-tekan). And then I saw it. Subhanallah. I was speechless and in awe when I saw the gestational sac. It was still small, just at 5 weeks. When I saw the sac, I feel so blessed, because finally I get to experience it. It is in me, growing.

A week after the scan, we went to see my doctor again to get full results from the scan, and also from the blood test. The doctor was happy to see me, and gave me positive results. My blood test showed me Im a healthy person, alhamdulillah, and the sac is in the right position. So everything is normal.

And then we scheduled for another ultrasound, at 8 weeks to see the fetus, and heartbeat.

4 March 2010

It was Thursday, we couldnt get an appointment on Saturday like we wanted. Initially hubby asked me to go alone, because he couldnt get out from work. But after some pujuk-memujuk session, and a "Tanak tgk baby ke?" line, he agreed. So I picked him up from his office around 12pm and went to the radiology.

We had to wait for a while, and then it was our turn. The nurse was pretty quiet while doing the scanning, and then we saw the sac. It was a little bit peculiar because the sac was empty. I've already studied week by week of the fetal development, and it did not look like it was supposed to. There was no fetus in the sac, and I was pretty sure the was no heartbeat as well. I wasnt very sure if the nurse turned on the volume of the ultrasound, but it was very quiet. I was so nervous, and I kept looking at hubby with a worried look. The nurse asked me if I had any bleeding or any pain at all before this. I told her I had none. I asked her if there was something wrong, but she just smiled and said, "Dont worry. We know nothing for sure yet." And at that time I knew something was wrong. She asked us if it is okay to do a transvaginal ultrasound to have a clearer image. We agreed and signed a paper. But somehow there was no doctor around so they can't proceed, and asked us to go to another branch.

We rushed to Willeton, about 20mins drive and had to wait for another half hour for the doctor. I was already crying the whole time because I knew it was bad news. And then it was it. The transvaginal ultrasound wasnt as scary as it sounds, but the images that we saw was the same as before. Empty sac, no fetus whatsoever and of course, no heartbeat. The doctor explained for a while, and what I heard was "it was a failure. An early pregnancy failure", "you will hemorrhage soon" and "Im very sorry". It happened so quickly and so unexpectedly. I was shocked. I managed a smile to the doctor and the nurse (which was kind, and said she was sorry too), cleaned up, paid the bill and got into the car. I just stared out the window the whole journey home, crying in silent. Hubby didnt know what else to say, and just hold my hands.

Everything happened so fast, I actually wondered if I was in a dream. I slept a lot for a few days after that, waking up, trying to remember, and thinking if it was real. Or maybe I just had a bad dream. And when reality hits me, Id cry myself to sleep again.

It's called blighted ovum, or in a much simpler words, early pregnancy failure. Nothing much to explain there. Apparently it is quite normal, and we nor I did nothing wrong throughout the pregnancy that would have caused it. It just happened. Things do happen. All for the right reasons. Allah have better plans for us, everyone told us over and over again. And I believe them. Id be lying if I say Im perfectly okay now. I still do cry at times when I remembered. Whenever I see myself in the mirror, and touching my belly, I have this feeling of emptiness. Something WAS there. A possible of a new life. But it didnt happen, not quite yet.

So here I am, accepting all the things that has happened, keeping faith in me, Insyallah my time will definately come. May my prayers be answered some day.