baby talks

I read Nicole Richie is pregnant again.

And I thought to myself, how easy can it get? I mean, everyone is pregnant, or just had a baby. Most of the people that got married, a month or so later, the wife's expecting. And most of them did not even expect it nor plan it.

Salma Hayek was on Oprah just now, talking about her baby. She's 43 and just had a baby. She said its the perfect time for her. She said she didnt expect it to be so soon as well, as of her age. She thought she might have to work on it, but then she's just got pregnant. Wow, it's that easy huh?

I always tell someone who's pregnant, "Lucky you." And that person would say, "Lucky you too. You get to have all the time you want, all the honeymoon, until you're ready." And I thought to myself, "Yeah. Maybe." I know. I should be grateful with whatever I have or dont have.

Its not to say that we've been trying for so long. We just tried. But I guess with no rezeki just yet. I get frustrated easily now whenever I got my period. I thought it would be easy, just like other people. Like Nicole Richie and Salma Hayek. And whenever I voiced out my frustration, hubby would calm me down and say, "Takpe laa, takde rezeki lagi. Nanti Tuhan nak bagi, dia bagi laa." Of course I would cry again.

Now, I cant imagine what other people who has been trying for years, would feel.

Our friends here are constantly praying that I'd "jangkit" whenever Im holding a baby. So yeah, sometimes its a pressure when people say that, but deep down Id be praying that I would get "berjangkit"!

Some chose not to have a baby yet. And we did decided to wait for a while. And now we are ready. We think we are. And we are trying. And trying.

I promised myself not to cry anymore, or get too emotional if things doesnt go as what I have hoped for. I promised myself to just enjoy with whatever I have, and the freedom that both of us are having right now. Some people would envy us, yeah. And we envy them.

I dont know why I want a baby so much right now. I guess its the maternal instinct?
I dont know.
Hubby wants it too. I guess we would feel more complete with a little junior of our own. I cant imagine what it would feel like, to bring another human being to this world, to raise and to teach a child. And I guess we also need that kind of responsibility, to remind ourselves, that its not only just us that we have to think about. We need to mature.

I know. We make plans, but things doesnt necessarily go as planned. And I know, God has better plans for us.

Its not easy for me to actually write about this so publicly. Its too personal. But at some point I thought, I should get this out of my system. I need to get it out. Maybe I can get a little bit of consolation from you guys. And some words of wisdom and inspiration perhaps.

p/s My cousin who got married a few weeks after us is now a father to a baby boy, Edrian. His wife delivered on 8th May 2009, a month earlier than expected. Congratulations!