some things are better said

Ive never watched Bridezilla. I just saw the clips from the show a few minutes ago and I saw some brides-to-be bacame crazy and out of control. I get that.

I mean, i didnt go crazy or out of control before my wedding. I just became stressed out. I needed help, but no one offered. And Im not the kind of person to ask around for help. I dealt with my wedding preparations all by myself. Even on the day itself. I never get anyone to come with me to go for fittings, look for wedding stuff and whatnot. Maybe sometimes my sister Aisyah would accompany me to help me around. But most of the time, I would be alone. So there.

So can you imagine how hectic my wedding day was, when I was the only one who knew everything, all the details, the guest, the event flow etc? And I was still at home at 12pm on Saturday, when I should be there from the morning. And I had to run around the house to settle things for other people. Penat ok! And stress!

I went beserk a little bit that morning when Hakeem went missing to have coffee with his friends, and Hadi had not gotten his hair cut yet. So I was screaming to everyone to get things settled, and I was ready to get in the car and leave for Putrajaya when everyone's still menggoyang kaki. Frustrated and mad with everyone for not cooperating, another human being had the guts to ask me, what about her kids, since 2 of them were the flower girls. At that moment, I totally didnt remember about the flower girls, because I thought my mom had settled that. And she had the guts to say that I didnt care about her and her kids, and didnt even know that they're my flower girls. (This, I discovered she said this when I was back home last month)

FYI, I personally choose the flower girls, and I picked TWO of your precious daughters because I CARE about you, and I care about my mother. If I dont care, I wouldnt pick any of your girls, because I think they're nuisance!

And because I was mad at my siblings, doesnt make any right for her to say I was sombong and berlagak depan dia that day. Sakit hati betul. I remember I was screaming and mad at everyone that day, in front of her, and she just looked at me. What do you expect? If you were in my shoes, you'd go crazy. As crazy as you were when you broke down and starts to badmouth everyone in my family in front of my MOM. How could you say bad things about her own kids and husband in front of her????

Ive always had a soft spot for you, because you were so close with my mom, and you were so nice to me and my siblings. And now I know you're just being two-faced. You were being nice in front of us for your own benefit. And you talked about us to other people, make stories and tell bad things. How could you. My mother was so hurt by you. She trusted you the most.

And to think about it, padan muka kau accident lepas attend my majlis kawin. Padan muka anak kau kena jahit kat dahi. Dah kena macam tu pun tak sedar-sedar lagi???

Im upset. Most of the time, I'd be thinking about this, over and over again.

Hadi, if you are reading this, lots of things happened back home. A LOT! I didnt have the heart to leave Umi like that, but I had to. You'll never know who backstabbed us since forever. But with this, I hope you have an idea who. And now Im glad everything's out in the open. Finally we know.